7 Hosting Habits That Seem Polite—but Are Actually Making Guests Uncomfortable

Over-Apologizing for Your House

You’re allowed to be proud of where you live, even if it’s not magazine-perfect. “Saying ‘sorry it’s messy!’ 10 times just makes guests feel like they need to reassure you,” says Olivia Pollock, etiquette and hosting expert at Evite.

“Trust me: no one cares about the toys on the floor! Guests just want to have fun, but also make sure you’re having fun too.” Plus, apologizing for a clean and tidy home can also make guests question their own interior standards.

Hovering Instead of Mingling

You likely wouldn't want a restaurant server or bartender ceaselessly checking up on you or refilling your glass, and your guests don’t want that either. “If you’re constantly checking plates, cups, or napkins, guests may begin to worry if you’re also enjoying the party,” explains Pollock. “Instead, make sure you have set enough out for you to actually mingle and have fun with the guests. Plus, if they really need something, they will ask.”

Shutting Things Down Too Abruptly

"Turning on the lights to signal guests to leave can feel like last call at a bar and be a bit jarring," says Pollock. "Gentle cues of lowering the music, shifting the conversation to a seating area, or offering dessert eases the transition, and I promise guests will still get the hint."

Not getting the hint? Thank everyone for coming and gently remind them it’s almost bedtime. You can also set expectations on an invitation, sharing the end time in advance so guests know what to expect.

Forcing Group Activities

“Games and activities are great additions to parties, unless they don’t fit the vibe,” says Pollock. It all comes down to properly readying the room. "You never want guests to feel trapped or forced into a game," Pollock explains. "If guests are happily chatting and the party is going great, maybe save charades for a game night."

Over-Serving Your Guests

Heaping piles of food on guests’ plates or keeping their wine glasses topped off may feel generous, but it can come off as pushy and perhaps make guests feel pressure to consume more than they’d like. Instead, keep food and beverages accessible to everyone so they can help themselves comfortably.

Over-Complementing

“It’s natural to want to gush about a dish someone brought, but overdoing it can unintentionally make others feel like their contribution wasn’t as valued, or even make the spotlighted guest uncomfortable,” says Pollock. “Instead, try to thank everyone equally and keep the focus on how nice it is that everyone contributed.”

Highlighting Special Accommodations

It’s considerate to offer allergen-friendly, plant-based, non-alcoholic, or other special options to accommodate guests with various dietary needs, but no need to highlight exactly who it’s for. If you’re serving buffet-style, make cards that indicate any allergens or other unique ingredients, and family-style foods can be presented as “gluten-free” without a big call out.