9 Things You Should Never (Ever) Say to a Guest—Even If You Mean Well

"You Finally Made it!"

If a guest is arriving late, chances are they are already feeling pretty lousy about it. Emphasizing their lateness is not a way to make them feel welcome. "'You finally made it!' can sound playful, but feel rude," says lifestyle expert Meagan W. Shepherd. "It’s usually not personal, and life happens."

Opt for empathy in this moment by showing your appreciation for their arrival. A simple greeting like, "I’m so glad you’re here! Come on in!" or "Welcome! We’ve been looking forward to seeing you!" can instantly put a guest at ease.

"You Look Tired."

While you may intend it as a caring inquiry, such a comment will most likely put that person on the defensive and embarrass them. Remember: Your role is to make every guest feel welcome, comfortable, and valuable. 

“Comments about someone’s appearance are always tricky,” says etiquette podcast host Nick Leighton. If you are inclined to say something regarding your guest’s appearance, he recommends staying in the complimentary and neutral zone. For example, something like “I love that color on you!’” can make a guest feel great.

"Sorry for the Mess!"

As tempted as you might be to say something self-deprecating about the state of your home—especially if your visitor has arrived on short notice and you are feeling self-conscious—comments like these put your guests in an awkward position. "Self-deprecating comments can make guests uncomfortable, as they’ll often feel obligated to offer reassurances," notes Leighton.

Similarly, if your guest happens to compliment your home, pause before waving it off with a comment like, "Oh, it’s such a mess," advises Shepherd. "A simple thank you goes much further." Keep the focus on warmth instead of flaws.

"Oh, I Already Have This."

Upon receiving a hosting gift, never (ever!) make a negative comment about it. A gift is your guest’s way of showing thoughtfulness, so receive it graciously and show the same kind of consideration in return.

"Have You Lost/Gained Weight?"

It is always prudent to keep observations about weight changes to yourself. Even “You look great!” may not land as the compliment you've intended. “People can lose or gain weight for lots of reasons, and drawing attention to it can hit a nerve,” notes Shepherd. Instead, simply say, “It’s so good to see you. You look happy.” That one never backfires, says Shepherd.

"Who Are You?"

If one of your guests brings along someone unfamiliar, resist the urge to be blunt as this could create an awkward situation. "If a guest brings a plus-one, it’s fair to want to get to know them," says Leighton. "But a question like, 'Who are you?' isn’t the way to go." 

Rather than put this individual on the spot, ask a more gentle and leading question like, "So, how do you know so-and-so?" This will show your new guest that you are interested in knowing them.

"We Don't Wear Shoes in this House."

While you may choose to maintain a shoeless house, the way in which you introduce this to your guests is important. “It all comes down to tone,” notes Leighton. You can even provide clean slippers for your guests—it'll give your home a luxe, hotel-like feel and make it seem more like a treat than a request.

Depending on your level of comfort, you could alternately allow guests to wear shoes and plan to deep-clean your flooring the following day.

"Why Aren't You Drinking?"

“There are plenty of reasons why someone may not drink alcohol, and it’s generally polite not to press the issue,” says Shepherd. Whether the reasons are health-related, deeply personal, or fairly simple, it's best to keep your questions to yourself. Commenting on their drink of choice could put someone on edge and make them uneasy in your home. 

Instead, plan for a range of beverage options—including non-alcoholic options—and let the guest choose what they’d prefer. While offering, keep things light and neutral so that any sober guests don’t feel like you’ve gone overboard to accommodate them.

"Are You Pregnant?"

Asking someone if they are pregnant is an intrusive question that should always be skipped. “This is a general social faux pas,” says etiquette expert Jo Hayes.

Hayes recommends simply proceeding along the normal lines of social niceties, such as “How are you? What’s been happening? Any news?” If someone is ready to announce a pregnancy, they will—and if they aren't, they won’t. And if they’re not pregnant, you have avoided making an egregious social error.