13 Hosting Errors That May Leave Guests Feeling Unwelcome

Not Being Prepared or Punctual

The way your visit begins will set the tone for the rest of the gathering, which is why being prepared is key. “Having guests arrive at a house in disarray, the table not set, and the host not dressed or ready, does not create the sort of welcoming atmosphere our guests deserve,” says world-leading etiquette expert Jo Hayes. She points out that punctuality is the foundation of good manners. "A lack of punctuality sends a message to our guests that we don’t have due respect for them or their valuable time."

Being ready for your guests lets them know that you have planned and prepared for their visit and that you honor their presence. If you've invited guests for 5 p.m., for example, you should be completely ready to welcome them at that time in a relaxed fashion. Remember to add plenty of buffer time for guests who may arrive early, as well as for any extenuating circumstances that might add an element of surprise.

Not Considering Parking

Make sure guests aren't circling your neighborhood searching for a spot. Especially for large gatherings, like graduation parties or milestone birthdays, parking can be a pain. “It helps if you are able to clearly designate where guests should park,” says Shephard. She recommends making a parking sign with an arrow in a style to match your home exterior and setting it out to clearly indicate parking areas for your guests. 

Additionally, you can let your guests know ahead of time, within the body of an invitation. This helps to put them at ease before they even leave their house and helps them plan their time correctly.

Not Greeting Guests at the Door

One of the biggest hosting faux pas is not greeting guests at the door. “This pertains largely to a party event in one’s home,” notes Hayes. “Whether it be an intimate dinner party or a larger soirée, greeting guests on arrival goes a long way in making them feel welcome and comfortable.” 

“A gracious host will make every attempt to personally greet each guest at the door rather than having another guest greet them,” adds Mariah Grumet Humbert, founder at Old Soul Etiquette. However, there is no need to linger in your doorway. Exchanging just an embrace and a few polite words is enough to put your guests at ease before ushering them into your home and pointing them in the direction of the main party group.

Not Introducing Guests to One Another

Have you ever walked into a party where you don’t know anyone and felt awkward about inserting yourself into a group? Don't make the same mistake at your own gatherings.

Oftentimes, parties include people from different parts of your life who may not have previously met. “Be sure to take the time to introduce them [to one another] and provide something that might help get a conversation started,” suggests Grumet Humbert.

This especially applies to solo guests. If you are intentional about introducing your guests to one another and offering a conversation-starter, they will feel more at ease—and you'll be free to continue mingling. 

Not Offering Drinks Promptly

Not offering a drink promptly after your initial hello is a big no-no when it comes to hosting. “Do not leave your guests empty-handed and forced to wander through the house looking for a drink,” cautions Hayes. “Aim to get a drink in their hand as soon as possible…[and] be on alert for keeping guests’ drinks re-filled.” 

For an intimate affair, make sure that you or your co-host sees to getting each guest a drink. For larger gatherings where there is a bar set up, politely direct your guests to either help themselves or be served. If drinks are arranged in a cooler for an outdoor BBQ, guide your guests over and point out what’s available. 

Make sure to offer an array of non-alcoholic drink options, too. “For those guests who choose not to drink alcohol, it’s very thoughtful to have a special option for them other than water,” says Grumet Humbert.

Failing to Ask About Food Allergies or Sensitivities Prior to the Event

Don't forget to ask your guests ahead of time if they have any food allergies or sensitivities. “Planning for this is critical,” says Grumet Humbert. “It not only shows you recognize and respect their medical needs but can also prevent life-threatening emergencies.” 

“Failing to do so can make a guest feel particularly unwelcome or awkward,” adds Hayes. “Many people with dietary requirements are hesitant to ‘burden’ a host with their specific needs, so take the burden off of them,” she says. Make sure to inquire ahead of time and to offer plenty of suitable dishes for all of your guests.

It's also recommended to label the top nine most allergenic foods (milk, eggs, peanuts, tree nuts, sesame, soy, wheat, fish, shellfish) in any prepared dishes or snacks. Mini chalkboards are a charming and reusable tool for this.

Not Taking Time to Ask Your Guests About Themselves

In the bustle of throwing a party, you might feel too overwhelmed to be able to pause, focus, and ask a guest about themselves. But part of helping someone feel comfortable and welcome is taking the time to ask them about their lives. “Opening your home to guests is not about elaborate tablescapes or over-the-top meals, but rather about having your guests leave better than they were when they arrived,” says Grumet Humbert. “That's what's most important. A good host is a present host.” 

When conversing with your guests, use basic ‘good manners’ conversation habits, advises Hayes. “Ask questions, show interest in their life. This makes others feel honoured, valued and welcome,” she says.

Too-Loud Music

Music choices add to the character of a gathering. But whether it’s Bach, Duke Ellington, or Post Malone, any music can end up being too loud and overwhelming for audible conversation. “Ensure music isn’t too loud,” says Hayes. “Guests having to strain their voices to be heard over music is supremely unpleasant.” She suggests keeping the music low so that it is pleasant, but isn’t the main event.

Forcing Guests to Ask for Your Wi-Fi Log-In

Many people have to check their phones during an event, and not having easy access to your Wi-Fi password can be an added element of awkwardness. “For people who have sensitivities and anxiety, being forced to speak up about something like Wi-Fi feels very awkward,” Shepherd explains. Post the password in an accessible location. A small sign that fits with the décor of your home adds a nice touch.

Using Strong Scents

To set the tone for a party, many hosts like to burn seasonal candles or use fragrant diffusers in their home. However, it's worthy of note that strong scents can be off-putting and even uncomfortable for certain guests. “Plug-ins, sprays, and strongly scented candles can trigger asthma and allergies and even cause headaches,” says Shepherd. 

Instead, Shepherd recommends keeping the air in your home fresh with a good air purifier and opening windows when the weather allows. “Choose unscented or flameless candles for mood lighting,” she says. 

Inadequate Amenities

Neglecting to stock up on toilet paper before guests arrive could put someone in an awkward position were you to run out. Take time to thoughtfully stock your bathroom with plenty of in-plain-sight toilet paper, clean hand towels, a full hand soap dispenser (preferably with unscented hand soap for the skin-sensitive). 

For overnight guests, it’s considerate to be a little more elaborate in your preparations. “Over the years, I’ve learned to keep a full set of self-care products ready,” says Shepherd, who emphasizes keeping scent-free and sensitive skin travel-sized shampoos and lotions on hand for guests who can’t tolerate fragrances and harsh chemicals.

Forgetting Temperature Comfort

While you might really like the chilled winter air spilling into your home, you don’t want to freeze out your guests. “A space that’s too hot or too cold can distract from conversation and good times, but most guests will suffer in silence,” reveals Shephard. Set the thermostat to a neutral temperature and keep throw blankets handy for extra coziness. 

"If in doubt, ask a few guests how the temperature is and how they’re feeling and adjust," adds Hayes.

Not Designating an End Time

Winding down the evening by awkwardly telling your guests you have an early morning or suddenly switching off the lights can end the event on a sour note. "Instead, you can either put an end time on the invitation ahead of time or offer last-minute refreshments or begin to recap your favorite part of the evening," suggests Grumet Humbert.