6 Things You Should Never Say at the Holiday Table, According to Hosting Experts

Inquiring About Weight Changes or Diet

Notice someone looks lighter (or heavier) than the last time you saw them? Don’t bring up their weight change, be it a positive or negative comment, etiquette expert and podcaster Nick Leighton cautions. It’s also not the time to question what people are choosing to eat (or their portion sizes) at dinner, so mind your own plate.  

Instead, professional event planner Tabitha Roberts recommends turning the conversation to new recipes or restaurants guests have been enjoying recently. “Food is a universal language that so many people partake in from various styles and forms,” Roberts says. "Eating out to cooking is a broad range of options that will allow conversation to blossom freely."

Asking Relationship Status Questions

As curious as you might be about your niece’s love life, the holidays aren't the time to put her in the spotlight and ask about it. “For younger crowds, this is not the time to talk about their relationship status, the dating pool, or even their friends who are all getting married,” Roberts explains. “Unless they broach the subject, dissecting someone's love life is generally uncomfortable for them and could feel insensitive to info you are not privy to.”

Getting Into Heated Political Debates

The holidays might be one of the few times each year that you see family members with opposing political views. And it can be tempting to engage, especially with the current climate. But all our experts recommend avoiding this topic entirely, or you risk making the holiday uncomfortable for everyone. 

“Generational differences and political differences can make those gatherings feel more complicated than spending time with the circle of people who think more like you do,” explains Kristi Spencer, etiquette coach and founder of The Polite Company.

Probes About College or Careers

For folks who have high school kids or college-aged adults at their holiday table, now is not the time to ask about their future plans. Yes, this includes enquiring about potential jobs post-grad or college decisions. “This is something they are bombarded with at school, with friends, or even their parents, during this season of life,” Roberts says.

The modern world is a stressful place, and the holidays should be a welcome break from the day-to-day slog. "They might enjoy a day off from having to plan out their entire future, so instead ask them about upcoming adventures or things they are excited about and let them lead the dialogue with less pressure," Roberts suggests.

Let’s not add to the angst with probing questions, shall we?

Questioning Why Someone Isn't Drinking

You never know why someone isn't choosing to drink. And, chances are, if they want to share the reason, they will. Otherwise, you don’t need to be the one to ask. Instead, focus on being a gracious host and ensure that there are non-alcoholic and mocktail options readily available and easily accessible.

Anything Related to Pregnancy and Family Planning

These can be incredibly sensitive topics and cause emotions to run high. "If someone wants to bring up their pregnancy, they will let you know,” reminds Leighton. The consequences are too numerous and offensive, from invoking the topic of pregnancy loss to ruining a potential baby announcement. You don’t need to be the one to ask.