How to Embrace 'Scruffy Hospitality'—Even If You're a Perfectionist

For perfectionists, the idea of hosting a dinner party without spotless floors or a perfectly set table can feel daunting. But hospitality is about connection, not immaculately polished spaces or elaborate menus. When a house feels lived in, it often feels more inviting, too.

“Scruffy hospitality” is the art of embracing imperfection and welcoming friends into your home as it truly is. The term was coined by Jack King, a Tennessee priest who noticed that he and his wife had stopped entertaining once they had children. They realized that if they waited for the house to be completely tidy, they might never have a dinner party again. Their solution was simple: open the door to their home, regardless of whether corners needed to be dusted or how many toys were on the floor. 

What It Really Means to Welcome Others

For some, this kind of openness comes naturally. When I lived in a tiny New York City apartment, I still (somewhat dauntingly) hosted dinner parties. With plates balanced on laps and guests perched on the edges of chairs, scruffy hospitality was a given. Since moving to the South, I’ve come to appreciate this balance even more. While traditional Southern hospitality can lean toward the formal (think elaborate appetizer spreads and perfectly plated dishes), there’s also a relaxed counterpoint with the porch gathering. Porch season, to me, is the epitome of scruffy hospitality. A few snacks, a cool drink, a comfortable chair, and good conversation are all you need.

The late writer Laurie Colwin often wrote about this kind of unfussy, heartfelt entertaining long before the phrase was coined. “The table is a meeting place, a gathering ground, the source of sustenance and nourishment, festivity, safety, and satisfaction,” she wrote in her famous book of essays, Home Cooking: A Writer in the Kitchen.  “A person cooking is a person giving: Even the simplest food is a gift.”

How to Celebrate Warmth Over Perfection

Scruffy hospitality is really about presence and about making space for people, not perfection. It’s about being open to spontaneous hangouts and laid-back, comfortable dinner parties, no matter what your house looks like. A perfectly executed formal gathering can be incredibly satisfying, but so can an ad hoc get-together. At the end of the day, your friends won’t remember the mess; they’ll remember how welcome they felt. Here are a few ways to embrace scruffy hospitality in your life.

1. Take a Deep Breath and Leave Things as They Are

I live in a town where friends stop by spontaneously, so I’ve learned to accept that my house won’t always be cleaned up for every hangout. Instead of rushing to tidy up, we often just leave out books we’re reading, craft projects, and other signs of a creative life. Many times, those leftover items spark conversations and collaborations that might not have happened if everything had been stashed behind closed doors. 

Your home doesn’t have to be immaculate, but make sure pathways are clear of stray toys or other trip hazards. When guests drop by on short notice, it’s perfectly fine to tuck a few things into a closet or spare room to make space. Just don’t let that "temporary" stash turn into a permanent storage zone. 

2. Create a Mood With Soft Lighting and Music

Setting the right vibe is key to scruffy entertaining. You’re crafting a cozy, welcoming space where friends can unwind, even if every surface isn’t spotless. If the weather’s nice, crack open a few windows and let the fresh air flow through your home. Light a candle, cue up a favorite playlist, and switch on soft table lamps instead of harsh overhead lighting (which tends to spotlight dust). 

3. Serve Something Simple

Don’t overthink the menu. Order a pizza and add your own toppings (basil from the garden, the fresh tomatoes on your counter, the sun-dried in the cabinet, and simmer a quick balsamic glaze), or make a big soup, chili, or savory stew and let everyone ladle out their own bowls from the stove. 

For a crowd-pleasing dessert, bring out a “candy charcuterie” board filled with favorite treats (all of which can be purchased ahead of time and kept in the cabinet until go-time). And never underestimate the power of a store-bought dessert—elevated, of course.

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4. Stock Your Freezer and Pantry Ahead of Time

A few hardworking staples make spontaneous entertaining simple. Make-ahead and frozen appetizers, gourmet pizzas, olives, artichokes, roasted vegetables, and nuts can all be turned into quick bites or accents to a cheese platter. Keep a few spirits, mixers, beer, wine, and nonalcoholic drinks on hand for simple aperitifs. 

5. Go Seasonal

Often, the easiest and most delicious meals begin with what’s in season at the farmer’s market. Pick up a fresh loaf of rustic sourdough to tear apart and drizzle with good olive oil. Serve a tray of sliced veggies alongside store-bought hummus or dips. For a fast dessert, sliced peaches, cherries, or other ripe fruit can pair beautifully with vanilla ice cream.

6. Keep Tabletop Décor Unfussy

While Martha readers may be accustomed to elaborate centerpieces, a table can feel beautiful without being overly styled and formal. Fill a vase with a simple arrangement of garden flowers or freshly cut herbs as an easy centerpiece. To dress up grocery store flowers, trim and separate the stems from the store-made bouquet into individual bud vases.

If you have young children or life is feeling especially hectic, don’t be afraid to use eco-friendly paper plates, napkins, and flatware to make clean-up a breeze.

7. Serve Meals Family-Style

Skip plated courses in favor of shared dishes like lasagna, casseroles, or hearty salads that can be made ahead. Family-style service creates a sense of ease and togetherness, which is precisely what scruffy hospitality is all about.