5 Things You Should Never Say to a Host During the Holidays

"I don't eat that."

If you have dietary restrictions, it’s always a good idea to let the host know ahead of time so they can plan accordingly and avoid any awkward moments. It’s all about keeping a gracious, positive tone. "Shift your language to something more informative and less accusatory," says Swann. 

If something is brought out and you’re unsure if it’s something you can eat, it’s totally acceptable to ask what the ingredients are, and then politely decline if necessary.

The same approach applies to the food that you may have on your plate. "Don’t criticize something that is being served," Whitmore warns. "If you don’t like something, leave it alone and eat the foods you do like."

"We do it differently in our home."

When you’re visiting someone’s home, be careful not to impose your own preferences or habits on their routine. As Swann notes, “You don’t want to infringe your own perspective on the host. Instead, go with an open mind and try to enjoy whatever is presented.” Things will most likely be done differently than in your own home, so be flexible and keep critiques to yourself. Whether it’s the timing of the meal or a host family’s quirky routine, it’s important to go with the flow as much as possible. 

For example, if you’re an overnight guest, try to adapt to the natural pace of the household. Maybe everyone wakes up bright and early and enjoys breakfast in their pajamas, or perhaps dinners are held around around kitchen table versus a formal dining room. Whatever their norms may be, try lean in—and refrain from telling your host how “we do it” at home.

"Our [blank] is bigger."

It’s natural to compare and contrast when you’re in someone’s home. Maybe your living room is more spacious, your Christmas tree taller, or your record collection more vast. But it’s best to keep these thoughts to yourself. Comments like that can easily come off as bragging or make your host feel less than. Instead of comparing, focus on expressing gratitude. 

Swann says to look for ways to do this naturally throughout your visit. Take time to appreciate the little touches that make an event or visit special, whether it’s a show-stopping dessert or a ritual of bringing out board games for everyone to play at the end of a meal. Look for the things that the host has put effort into or has done well, and acknowledge them. A little appreciation goes a long way. 

Whitemore adds that certain questions, like "How much did you pay for that?" are definite no-nos when you’re a guest. Be mindful of comments that might catch your host off guard or make them feel uncomfortable.

"Can I help you?" (without taking 'no' for an answer...)

As a guest, asking "Is there anything I can do to help?" is a common and courteous thing to do. But while the gesture is polite, Swann emphasizes the importance of respecting your host’s response. If they say no once or twice, don’t keep pushing.

“You have to think about it from their perspective,” says Swann. “When someone is hosting an event, they want to see their guests relaxing and enjoying the evening, rather than working in the kitchen or doing tasks that pull them away from the other guests.” However, every family and friend group is different, so just try to be aware and sensitive to the host’s needs. Some events involve everyone pitching in, and that’s part of the fun. 

If you're staying in a place for several days, Swann recommends doing something special for the household. This may mean contributing to a meal by bringing food, offering to cook something, ordering takeout for the group, or treating everyone to dinner at a restaurant.

"You need a [blank]."

We all go into people’s homes and think about what we might do differently. Offering unsolicited decorating or organizing advice unprompted can come across as intrusive. “Don’t give advice unless someone asks for it,” says Whitmore. 

Swann notes that seeing what a host might be missing may be an opportunity for a thoughtful gift down the road. If they mention a challenge in their house, like a cluttered spice rack or pile of shoes at the door, make a mental note. After your stay, consider sending them a surprise gift that helps solve the issue. 

Regardless of whether you send something later, it’s always a good idea to arrive with something in hand as you enter the door. This can be something as simple as a nice bottle of wine or chocolates, or something more personal. “Give them something small that enhances the space,” suggests Swann, who loves gifting monogrammed hand towels or a pretty appetizer dish. “A host can never have too many serving dishes,” she says.