The Art of Saying 'No' Gracefully During the Busy Holiday Season

During the busy holiday season, it’s easy to get caught up in a whirlwind of celebrations, obligations, and an endless to-do list. Beyond the shopping frenzy and stream of holiday invites, your calendar can fill up quickly and, if you’re not careful, all that activity can leave you exhausted by the time January rolls around. To prevent burnout, it’s essential to know how to set boundaries for your time and energy. And that means saying no when you need to. 

It can feel daunting, but like any skill, it becomes easier with practice. And the reward is worth it: more breathing room, less stress, and the ability to actually enjoy the events you do choose to participate in. “Old etiquette suggested we accept every invitation to avoid offending a host,” says etiquette expert and coach Myka Meier. “Today, we know that caring for ourselves helps us to show up better.”

Here, Meier shares her top five tips for how to say no gracefully during the holiday season. 

1. Lead With a Warm and Friendly Tone

When declining an invitation or commitment, the right delivery is key. "A graceful 'no' is really about honesty delivered with warmth," explains Meier. She advises that tone matters just as much as wording, noting that a friendly, appreciative approach can help to soften the interaction. 

2. Be Clear and Direct

"Clear, kind communication is always the goal," says Meier. Good etiquette today prioritizes mutual respect and acknowledging your own needs, while being sensitive to the feelings of others. "Express genuine gratitude for the invitation, decline clearly, and avoid over-apologizing.” 

It’s also a good rule of thumb to steer clear of white lies or elaborate excuses that might catch up with you later. Be as honest and straightforward as possible.

3. Keep It Short and Sweet

You don’t need a long, drawn-out explanation when turning down an invite. Meier suggests something simple, such as: "Thank you so much for thinking of me! I’m not able to make it this time, but I truly appreciate such a lovely invitation. I hope it's an incredible evening!"

The host is also most likely managing plenty of details already and juggling a to-do list of their own, so they’ll be sure to appreciate a concise and timely response. To avoid unnecessary stress with a last-minute RSVP, try to reply as soon as you know you can’t attend. "If your schedule is already full, declining early prevents stress for everyone involved," Meier adds.

4. Express Your Gratitude

"Always thank the host for including you, even if you can’t join," says Meier. Wish them a wonderful celebration and, if possible, add a personal touch that expresses your gratitude for their friendship. "Send them a thoughtful holiday card or arrange a catch-up in the new year." 

5. Maintain Healthy Boundaries

When it comes to things like event planning, volunteering, and other commitments, make sure to be realistic about the amount of time you can truly give. Setting clear expectations from the start is far better than becoming overwhelmed and unable to follow through. "Being realistic about your time and energy is one of the kindest things you can do for yourself and for others," notes Meier.

Remember: saying no to something that you’re not fully excited about may allow you to say a wholehearted yes elsewhere (even if that "yes" is a much-needed evening at home in your sweatpants). "I tell my clients that a healthy boundary is never rude," says Meier. "It’s simply clarity with compassion."