Who Is Responsible for Throwing the Bridal Shower?

It's a wonderful feeling to have the people you love the most come together in one place weeks or months before the wedding to shower you with love and gifts. But pulling together a seamless bridal shower takes planning and foresight, and that requires a host at the helm. We asked an etiquette expert to explain who traditionally hosts this pre-wedding party.

The Traditional Bridal Shower Host

"Traditionally, the maid of honor and the wedding party shower the bride by hosting the event," says Diane Gottsman, etiquette expert and owner of The Protocol School of Texas. The maid of honor isn't the only option, however. Anyone close to the bride—including family—can host.

It used to be that immediate family members were never named as official hosts. "Immediate family, such as the mother or mother-in-law would never host because it would come across as if they were asking for gifts. However, there is always a caveat as rules continue to update," Gottsman said. "If a bride is not familiar with any of the people in the mother-in-law's circle, a mother-in-law may host a shower in honor of her soon-to-be daughter-in-law and invite friends and family to meet her."

And though Gottsman is a stickler for the traditional rules of etiquette, she says there are exceptions to every rule. "While I still believe a mother should not host a bridal shower, if there are financial difficulties, the mother of the bride could certainly offer to discreetly help," she says.

How to Ask Someone to Host a Bridal Shower

What should a bride do if no one has offered to host a shower? Even though you know no one is obligated to give you one, you're disappointed (and it may especially hurt if you've thrown showers for other people).

First, consider that there may be a surprise shower in the wings. But if you're sure that's not the case and, as time goes on and still no word or sign, you've got to be brave and ask your maid of honor to throw you one. If she's hesitant because it's a money issue and the bridesmaids are strapped for cash, ask your mom or mother-in-law if they are willing to host a shower for you.

Hosting Your Own Bridal Shower

Although the idea of hosting your own shower—where you can execute your vision down to the last detail—may be appealing, it's generally a no-no, as it comes off as asking for gifts.

Who Pays for the Bridal Shower?

The host plans and pays for the bridal shower. When multiple hosts are enlisted for the duty, they should share the costs of hosting, which also lightens up the financial responsibility put on any one person.

Does the Bride-to-Be Have a Say in the Planning Process?

If asked for your input, it's acceptable to offer ideas or suggestions. Otherwise, sit back and allow your host to plan your shower. With your wedding on the horizon, you likely have enough on your plate.

"Hosts of the bridal shower should include the bride in some of the planning, asking her preferences, theme, needs, and special requests. A bride should not, however, try and micromanage planning the event," says Gottsman. "She does have to let the hosts know who is going to be on the guest list to make sure there are no hurt feelings."

What to Do After You Choose a Bridal Shower Host

A bridal shower can range from a meticulously planned brunch or garden party to a low-key backyard get-together. No matter the scale of your bridal shower, there are a few etiquette rules that stand the test of time. Promptly send invitations with all the details ideally six to eight weeks before the shower. Then, show gratitude to your guests by sending thank-you notes out within 48 hours and up to a month after your shower.