The Etiquette of Wedding Rehearsal Dinners

Plan the Rehearsal First

The wedding ceremony rehearsal is typically conducted before the dinner and held at the wedding ceremony venue. If the venue is not available, it can be held at the same place as the dinner.

Anyone who plays a role in the ceremony should attend the wedding rehearsal. The list of attendees should include the officiant, the wedding party (including any child attendants), readers, parents, plus spouses, partners, or dates. Once assembled, here are a few tips:

• Walk through the ceremony, establish the pace and timing, the order each element will occur, and make sure all of the participants know their responsibilities.
• Bring the unity candle or anything else you will want to have in place for the following day.
• Have programs and copies of any readings on hand for people to follow along.

Choose a Special Spot

The dinner after the rehearsal is often held in another location, which can be formal or casual. The style or theme of the rehearsal dinner can complement the wedding, but it should not copy or overshadow it. Here are some ideas to consider:

• Opt for a contrast, such as a backyard picnic rehearsal as a casual foil for a black-tie wedding.
• Hold the rehearsal dinner at a favorite date spot or someplace with a style of cuisine that has special meaning to the bride and groom.
• Honor the honeymoon plans. For example, if the honeymoon is planned for Italy, have a rehearsal dinner in an Italian restaurant.
• Choose a special local restaurant that introduces visiting guests to your area's famous cuisine, such as barbeque, deep-dish pizza, or seafood.

Decide on Time of Day for the Event

The rehearsal dinner is typically held the night before the wedding, directly after the ceremony run-through. Despite its name, however, it can be a lunch or even a brunch with an informal and leisurely pace. If it is a dinner, keep in mind that the party should end somewhat early, to give everyone a chance to get plenty of rest before the big day.

Confer With the Host

Traditionally, the groom's parents are the hosts of the rehearsal dinner, since the bride's family customarily pays for the wedding. But in more modern times, other relatives, close friends, or even the couple themselves can plan and pay for the event. Whoever throws the rehearsal party should confer with the bride and groom on the theme, menu, and decorations.

Planning the Guest List

The wedding party can attend the rehearsal portion, and more guests can be invited to attend the dinner, if preferred. You might want to include other family members (such as grandparents) and close friends, for example, who may not be in the wedding party. Many couples also invite out-of-town guests to the rehearsal dinner as a welcoming event before the wedding.

Sending Invitations

Written invitations are not required, but it's still a good idea to send them if more than just family will be attending. The wedding rehearsal's host should mail them right after the wedding invitations go out. The rehearsal dinner invitations are not as formal as the wedding invites, but they can reflect the style and tone.

Planning the Seating Chart

For a more formal dinner, or one with a larger guest list, it helps to have a seating chart to keep the event organized. Some relatives of both families or friends of the couple may be meeting for the first time, so take the opportunity to use the seating chart as a tool to encourage conversation between people.

Giving the Toasts

Rehearsal dinner toasts tend to be spontaneous and casual. Guests may feel more comfortable sharing their memories of the couple and wishing them well in a more intimate setting. The host can begin by welcoming guests and offering a toast to the couple. Parents or other relatives can follow, next by the attendants, and any other guests who want to speak.

During the toasts, the bride and groom have a chance to say a few words of thanks to everyone taking part in the wedding. This is also the traditional time for them to present gifts to the members of the wedding party (and perhaps to the parents) to thank them for their support.