6 Types of Gifts That Can Accidentally Offend the Recipient

Self-Improvement Anything

Unless it was explicitly requested, self-improvement gifts can inadvertently hurt someone’s feelings. This could be anything from a book on anger management to teeth whitening strips. Assuming they’d like to make a change without expressing so infers quite a bit. It’s best to let them acquire such items on their own timeline.

What to Gift Instead: Self-care items are a great way of saying, "I appreciate you and want you to take care of yourself." Opt for something neutral, like a foot massager, a gift certificate to a spa, or a lovely new journal and quality pens.

Obviously Last-Minute Gifts

If it’s something you clearly grabbed at the nearest convenience store on the way to the party, the receiver will likely be able to tell. This is especially true if you know the person well, or if it’s an exchange where a list of interests was provided. 

As modern-day etiquette expert Genevieve Dreizen recalls: "I once organized a whole mug gift exchange at my company, and I was so excited. The person who had me clearly forgot and ran to one of the tourist shops outside our office doors and got me a New York City mug. It wasn't personalized to my likes or interests (which I had provided) and felt like an afterthought."

What to Gift Instead: Sometimes we do run short on time or forget. In this scenario, a simple card with a thoughtful note and gift card (purchased digitally and printed at home) is a great option. “It doesn't have to be a lot of money—just enough for a coffee is a lovely and thoughtful treat for someone,” says Dreizen. 

Clearly Used Items

We love a thoughtfully plucked, thrifted, or vintage item that’s been chosen with care, cleaned up, and dressed for gifting. But an item that’s clearly used, uncleaned, or still feels like it belongs to someone else can easily cross into uncomfortable territory. It can feel less like a charming find and more like an obligation passed along.

What to Gift Instead: If it’s an item that’s special—like a treasured heirloom being passed down—then make sure to include the backstory to convey the sentimentality, advises etiquette expert August Abbott. For vintage or thrifted items, make sure they are completely clean and ready for gifting; maybe even add an additional thematic item or two, so it feels more intentionally curated.

Overtly Personal Gifts

This falls in line with the self-improvement gifts, but deserves its own category. These are gifts that tread into deeply private territory—health, identity, relationships, or life circumstances. Even when well-meaning, they can land as intrusive rather than thoughtful.

For example, personal health items, financial services, medical screenings, DNA testing kits, lingerie or underwear, or sobriety-related tools. Basically, anything that veers into more hushed, personal areas of a person’s life.

What to Gift Instead: Even if it’s something they’ve discussed with you in private, it’s best to steer your gift-giving toward enjoyment and care. A luxe candle, a cozy throw, a favorite food delivery, a book in a genre they love, or an experience you can enjoy together all show care without crossing into private territory. 

Pets or Living Creatures

Plants get a pass here (depending on the person), but otherwise, if it’s a living and breathing creature—like a dog, cat, rabbit, or fish—you should not gift it. The only exception is if you’ve communicated very clearly about the gift with the recipient in advance. 

Pets come with daily obligations, big responsibilities, and financial costs that will stick around for literal years, and sometimes decades. "This one can be troublesome and even offensive to both the person receiving it and the 'it' being given," Abbott says. "I cannot stress this enough as the owner of a sanctuary for 'broken' and unwanted pets."

What to Gift Instead: If you want to gift them company or you know they love animals, there are other ways to go about it. "Consider a donation to the giftee's favorite animal rescue or sanctuary," Abbott suggests. Other ideas include an experience at a local cat cafe, a visit to a local petting farm, or even a piece of pet-themed art that lets the recipient celebrate their love of animals without taking on unexpected responsibility.

A Half-Hearted Regift

It's one thing when you're gifted something you know someone else would love more than you and decide to pass it on. But handing over a gift you do not want, just to get rid of it, will not go unnoticed. “It feels thoughtless,” Dreizen says.

Gift-giving is as much about emotional intention as it is about the item itself. When that intention is missing, the exchange feels transactional rather than thoughtful.

What to Gift Instead: There are regifted items that make sense, but unless you have an item you know without a doubt the receiver will love, then it’s best to get something else. Try a card with a handwritten note, homemade goodies, or even an item from a thrift store that’s been picked out with care and is in good shape.